He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
