Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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