Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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