There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I could fuck to npr.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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