dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
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