omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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