wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
