Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
