I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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