Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
