Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
