i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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