Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
