We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
