don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize