it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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