so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
