just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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