I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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