ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
