why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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