Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
