did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
