After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
