Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
