that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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