she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
