Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize