No awkward lesbian experiences without me
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
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