You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
