That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
