Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
3 2 1 whiskey
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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