Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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