god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
