watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
