birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
