morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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