Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Randomize
