craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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