Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
