His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
