it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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