So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
