it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
