We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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