She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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