dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
