i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
