thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm too high and old for this...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
