Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
