Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
