Got a toothbrush?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
