saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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