just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
