Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
