Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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