I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
