Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
