While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
