Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
