I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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