This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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