And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
