You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
