Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
