guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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