she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
