Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize