well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
