i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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