Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He? As in you personified your dick?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
