remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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