shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
